my movie

I had a really hard time deciding what to make my movie about. I kept thinking I'm not learning anything new outside of school. The only thing that kept comming to mind was my daughter, because being a parent is a constant learning process. Then I realized that while I have been in a constant learning process since the day my daughter was born, it seemed that I almost had to start the process over when I became a single parent. Things changed so much for me and my daughter I feel like we are learning how to deal together. I thought about the things that were most difficult for me to change. The biggest issue is time. I feel like everyday is this crazy balancing act to juggle all of our commitments. I am a very independent person and it is unbelievable how many people it takes to raise one little child when you are alone. On top of the time issue, it is a very emothal thing to go through. My emotions definetly affect my decisions and the way I schedule my time. When I was married, I was still going to school, but I worked as a preschool teacher, where my daughter came to work with me and I was always home at night and on weekends. Now that I am on my own I had to get a job that payed the bills and has insurance. Now I go to school during the day, and work nights and weekends. I try to spend any "free" time not doing homework or running essential errands with my daughter. I constantly feel guilty for being gone so much and because her dad is hardly there at all anymore. I try to remind myself that it will be worth it in the end when I finish school. I know I will have more time with her then, but in the back of my mind is always the fact that she will only be young once and I'm missing it. Now that she is getting older, six going on thirty-five, she has almost as many commitments as I do. I've realized that we both like to be busy. This is her fourth year of dance, shes plays baseball, and now wants to play basketball and soccer. She also wants to join girlscouts, which is not just a commitment for her but also another commitment for me.
When I was deciding which pictures to use in my movie, I thought about the things that were most important for me. The picture of my daughter at Halloween may simple like a random thing but it is very important to me to be there for things like that. Last year I had to work and it really upset me. School christmas programs or dance recitals or baseball games are extremely important to me to be there for her. But sometimes it is just not possible for me, which can really depress me especially since now I have to play the part of both mom and dad.